Pretend
by October103
Summary: It was most definitely not a family love that made her feel almost physically weak and broken when he wasn't around. She knew it was wrong, loving him, but she would pretend, for the sake of her sanity. One-shot. Doesn't contain incest, but the feelings are there.


**A/N:** _Hey! This is my first "Pretty Little Liars" fanfiction. I'm rating this "T" simply because of the situation. I'm not all gung ho for incest, but I can't help but notice the insane amount of chemistry between these two. Besides, I was rooting for them before they found out they were related. Anyways, if you have serious aversions to incest or this pairing or whatever, I don't want to hear it, all right? Okay._

_The songs I reccomend listening to while reading: _Trading Yesterday_, **"**She is the Sunlight**"** or _Safetysuit_, **"**You Don't see Me**"**. I own neither and the lyrics down below belong to Trading Yesterday._

_**Obviously (sadly), I don't own Pretty Little Liars**._

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- Pretend -

"And if all the flowers faded away,  
And if all the storm clouds decided to stay,  
You would find me."

Spencer wiped at her face furiously, angry at the world. She was so… furious. She was furious at her mother, for putting her all into helping a murderer; she was furious with her father for not siding with her on this, though she never should have expected his support. She was furious with 'A', for making her life more of a living hell then it already would have been, but most of all she was angry with herself. She was angry with herself for having three very capable friends to talk to, but desiring another's comfort. She should call Aria or Emily or Hannah, but instead, she turned and dropped to her knees, dialing the number of the man she wanted – needed – to see; the man she should _not_ call, knowing what she did about the way her feelings toward him had so drastically changed. Usually, when thoughts of and feelings for him surfaced and threatened to send her spiraling down into the black abyss that was her muddled mind, she would remind herself that it was wrong, that she was utterly despicable for feeling the way she felt, but… But she'd maybe finally reached her breaking point and she simply wasn't about to let morals get in the way of the comfort she so desperately craved.

"Jason? It's Spencer, would you… can you please come over?"

At his inquisition of her well-being, she promptly sobbed a little harder and confirmed that, no, everything was not all right. He assured her quickly and promised to be there as soon as he could. She nodded, though she knew he couldn't see and hung up the phone, crawling into bed and curling on her side, unable to deal with… everything; the world and all of its – and her – problems.

Fifteen minutes later though, Spencer was merely hiccupping quietly with red, swollen eyes. She faintly heard frantic knocks on the kitchen door and a moment later, her father's angry request that Jason leave immediately. Spencer breathed a sigh of relief at the younger man's arrival, allowing her eyes to shut in momentary joy. She knew she could count on him. And so she waited for him silently, knowing he would not allow Peter Hastings to turn him away.

She'd assumed right as loud stomps could be heard coming up the stairs and moment later, her door being pushed open. The sight of him in her doorway and the mostly hidden, but clearly distinct worry in his eyes, pushed her over the edge and she began to cry again. She slipped off the bed easily and buried herself in his chest, the tension in her shoulders lessening almost instantly. He closed and locked her door behind him before winding his arms around her thin frame and moving the two of them to her red lounge seat.

His arms tightened around her so much that she wondered if he knew; if he'd heard the news as well and was mourning their pathetic chances at sending Alison and Maya's murderer to prison where he belonged. She couldn't be bothered to ask since she couldn't stop the hysterical hiccups that were bubbling from her parched throat. The only thing that helped to calm her were his strong and reassuring hands rubbing up and down her arms and the steady, but firm drum of his heart. She shut her eyes slowly and listened to it intently, forcing her own heart into the same rhythm, to beat the exact same way.

"What happened, Spencer? Was it Peter?" He asked quietly.

Spencer was secretly grateful that Jason didn't refer to the man as "our dad". Nothing would make her feel better about her disturbing and repulsive wants and needs, but it helped just a tiny bit that he… almost refused to accept that they were related. And while they had grown closer because of it, Spencer wished they could've done that on their own, without adding blood relations to the mix.

She sighed and pulled away from him, meeting his eyes quickly and trying to convey her gratitude that he'd shown up so readily and so quickly. His arms retracted and she felt the icy air rush to meet her skin where his had previously been, but much to her immense relief, he stole one of her hands in his. She wiped at her face again and sniffled, trying to compose herself. She glanced back over at him and sighed, "Have you heard yet?"

His face was somber and he looked to the floor automatically, closing his eyes in frustration, "Yes. Your mom felt it necessary to call me herself and give me the good news."

Spencer's gaze hardened and her eyebrows knit together. She screeched, incredulous, "_What?_"

She jumped up from her spot beside Jason and paced the floor between there and her door. Her hands waved in the air dramatically, her face contorted in anger.

"Are you serious? God, she's such a… It's not already bad enough that she's defending the guy, but she's got to call you and rub it in your face that she's succeeded in getting him off the hook? God, I could just scream! That… that…"

"Spencer…" Jason got to his feet.

"That miserable bitch!"

"Spencer, calm down. I don't need Peter storming up here, kicking me out before I'm ready to leave." He tried to reason with her.

She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose irritably, "How can you be so calm about this? Ali's murderer is going to be walking the streets of Rosewood a free man. Why aren't you livid?"

He smirked that devilishly handsome smirk, "Because that would mean that I'd given up on the prospect of sending that son of a bitch where he belongs. And I'm far from it."

She took a deep breath and stared at him with such adoration, her eyes filled to the brim with what could only be described as love. She feared he'd notice, that he'd recognize the emotion for all that it really meant to her, but she couldn't help it. She couldn't keep the emotion from her eyes on a good day and she especially couldn't do it when he was doing exactly as she needed; when he was saving the day like some modern knight in shining armor. She almost laughed at the thought. Jason may be rescuing her from the fear of abandoned hope, but the mysterious "bad boy" could not adequately be described a "knight in shining armor".

She took a deep breath and walked into him again, resting her forehead on his shoulder and closing her eyes slowly. She breathed out the words, "thank God," and felt him encircle her in his arms again. It definitely wasn't a family love that made her heart rate pick up when he did that. It definitely wasn't a family love that made her want him around all the time. It definitely wasn't family love in her eyes when she looked at him while he wasn't paying attention. It was most definitely not a family love that made her feel almost physically weak and broken when he was not near. No, there was nothing familial about it.

And she hated herself.

She hated herself for being the sick freak that was in love with her half-brother. But she hated her father even more; for cheating on her mother and having a kid with another woman. She hated her family for keeping her away from her brother. It was their fault they hadn't grown up together; that they hadn't formed the brother-sister bond they should have. It was all her family's fault, but regardless… Spencer hated herself.

And that part of her, that wanted to punish the other part for feeling the way she did, forced her to pull away from him. She crossed her arms instinctively and turned away, hearing him sigh behind her. She wanted to believe it was because he was upset that she'd left his arms, but she would not begin to accuse Jason of sharing the same inappropriate feelings she had for him. She leaned against her bed lightly and cast her eyes towards him. She smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I guess I should get going." He said.

Her stomach dropped to the soles of her feet at the thought, but instead of nodding her agreement and letting him walk out her door, she shoved the moral part of her brain aside and grinned at him, "Let me come with you. We can think of what to do next and you know my father will have a cow when he sees that I'm leaving with you."

There was almost no hesitation in Jason's answering smile and nod of his head, almost like he'd hoped she would ask. She beamed over at him and slipped on a pair of shoes. She snatched her purse from the lounge chair and Jason took her hand in his, quickly pulling open the door, both of them jogging down the stairs. They found Spencer's mother and Peter in the living room, arguing quietly. Both parents looked over at Jason and Spencer with matching looks of irritation and outrage.

Jason didn't pause as he steered himself and Spencer around the bickering adults, headed for the kitchen door.

"What was he doing here? Upstairs?" Veronica asked her husband.

Peter ignored her and glared at his kids, face reddening, eyebrows furrowed. Spencer couldn't resist a peek at her fuming father and barely managed to hold in the laugh that threatened to spring from her lips.

"Spencer, where are you going?"

"Out." She retorted quickly.

"You are not leaving this house with him." He ground out darkly, taking a step forward. "Spencer!"

She and Jason ignored him, both of them tightening their grip on each other's hand as they sped out the door, slamming it shut behind them. They laughed together, like giddy teenagers and strut down the driveway like they owned the world.

Spencer had a boatload of problems to sort through and work out. She had 'A' to deal with and school work and her friends to worry about. She had parents who would never truly understand her and who she could never truly trust and to top it all off, she was desperately in love with the absolute one man in the world she could never have... but she would pretend, for her own sanity.

She would pretend that 'A' was rotting in an insane asylum somewhere. She would pretend that she'd already graduated high school and was simply waiting for college to begin. She would pretend that everyone accepted Aria's relationship with Ezra, that Hannah and Caleb could finally be happy together, that Emily found someone she loved who would not be ripped away from her; that her friends were happy.

Spencer would pretend that Jason loved her in the same wrong, diluted way that she loved him and she would be happy for a split second. Because if any two people had the power to help each other forget, even if just for a moment, that they had more troubles than they cared to admit, it was Spencer and Jason.

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_So... did we like? Review and let me know what you think, I would SO appreciate it (:  
Thank you!_


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